Joyless Act of Comparison

Why do we compare ourselves to others? But in particular, why are women so good at the art of comparison? We are never happy with our bodies, the houses we live in, the jobs we hold down, the men or women we are with, the friends we have, etc., etc. Are you like me and constantly judging yourself?

When I started my blog, I was innocently advised by specialist blogging books to visit other blogs to see, admire and learn from them. My innocent observation of some blogs has turned me into a bad judge of myself. This Judgement is a result of me comparing my writing style to other bloggers who I think are more advanced with words. Do you know what the sad bit of my comparison exercise is? I fail to remind myself that I am just a new-born baby in the world of blogging. This unnecessary judgement of myself has sometimes left me feeling rubbish and wanting to give up.

By the way, I am not saying all women have this problem. If you are a woman who is confident and secure in yourself, please I’d love to hear from you. But, if you are like me and are struggling with insecurity because you want to be someone else, even for a split second, we must seek help on how to stop comparing ourselves to others now!

Emma Gannon’s post called Comparison is what has brought this on. As usual, Emma got me thinking after reading her article this morning. Emma’s article talked me into admitting that I have a problem. A problem which I thought was resolved when I turned 40.

You see, after turning 40 and losing a lot of weight, I completely stopped comparing the way I look to women I thought were more beautiful. I stopped comparing my looks because the mirror in my bedroom showed me the physical hard work I had put into looking strong. Looking this way makes me feel good, so I have no issue in this area of my life.

My insecurity rears its head in the parenting of my daughters. I compare and judge them when they are not the best in whatever they do. I find myself comparing them to some of their high achieving classmates. Ashamedly, I have even voiced my comparison of these children to my daughters. In my head, I compare my daughters to each other. I know they are very different to each other but I still do it anyway.

Are you wondering why I have pictures of a Gucci and a Christian Dior handbags in this article? Well, these handbags remind me of what comparison can do to your bank account. These handbags (among many) were the first designer handbags I bought on credit due to my emotional insecurity. My insecurity was born out comparing myself to a friend who bought expensive handbags. I still do not understand why I – who had so little – wanted to make a wealthy designer even wealthier.

In my defence, I can honestly look back at my journey and pat myself on the back. I am not as bad as I was. I have my own distinctive style now since I stopped following fashion trends and copying others. Don’t get me wrong, I still admire what the fashion industry does… but I am not their fool anymore.

What I need to work on is my habit of comparing my blogging style to all the wonderful blogs out there. But most importantly, I have to stop comparing my daughters to the children who are regarded as high achieving.

I do recognise that I need a new attitude to succeed in the comparison battle. It is a challenge for me but as Emma Gannon wrote “it is so simple, yet so hard to do”. Emma, I am going to give it a shot!

Yvonne xxxx