Recently, my remarkable friend Lola who lives in America visited the UK for a few days on business. Lola and I don’t see or speak to each other regularly, but when we do we carry on from where we left off. It was amazing and reassuring to see her again. Lola is one of the few people in my life that I rely on. She always wishes the best for me because she truly cares. I care about her too.
This particular write-up is not about my beautiful relationship with Lola or Lara or the rest of my brilliant female friends. This is about a particular friendship in my life that has run its course and it is time to let it go. The fabric of the plaster that has held the friendship together is now falling apart. It is unable to do its work any more. It’s time to send that dreaded letter – the female version of a Dear John letter.
Some friendships do fade away because of a change of job, moving away or an argument. Not in this case. The friendship in question makes me feel lacking. Lacking in all aspects of my life. To be honest with you, I am now tired of putting on the fake smiles, kisses and hugs. My conscience won’t let me do this any more. Plus, it is emotionally taxing.
In my younger days, there were a few friendships that did not work out. Amicably, we both recognised this and dumped each other. This case is different. In unspoken words, we both know that we are not getting what we want from each other any more. For some inexplicable reason we are bent on holding on to a dead thing; a friendship that is no longer doing either of us any good.
Wow – what a mess!
Lately, this issue has been a struggle for me but it is time to deal with it. The people pleasing side of me fears and dreads the emotional grief that accompanies the death of a friendship. Also, what if I regret my decision to prune this once beautiful friendship? Maybe, this friendship serves me in a way I am unable to appreciate now.
Perhaps I am not woman enough to deal with the consequences of letting this friendship go.
The puzzle is, if I am able to tell a man our relationship isn’t working any more, why not a woman?