Featured, Parenting
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No Sex Please, My Darling Iroko Trees

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 commanded me to Flee fornication… I did not.

Keep yourself pure for your husband, my Yoruba culture ordered. Also, I did not.

From an early age, one of my deepest desires was to honour these values. I thought I was doing well. I felt like an Iroko tree since I stood strong when several temptations came my way. I continued standing strong up until the mother of all temptations came knocking in the form of a charismatic rebel. I opened my door.

An Iroko Tree.

An Iroko Tree.

I was smitten. I could not resist. Nothing could have stopped me.

I knew what I was about to do was “wrong” but I needed validation that it was all right. I knew who to give me the validation. I sought her advice. She gave it to me and cheered me on. And on I went. This was just before leaving home for university.

For everything that is hidden will eventually be brought into the open, and every secret will be brought to light.
My secret was brought to light. My father and stepmother found out. The details are for another day, another story.

When my father told me that he knew, he had grief in his eyes. I felt ashamed but I carried on anyway. After that, my relationship with my rebel died. He married someone else – a girlfriend he had all along. Please do not feel sorry for me; this was a long time ago.

I am telling you this anecdote because some days ago, I read and commented on an article written by a blogger friend, British Asian Woman. The article is, No sex please, we’re Asian.
This beautiful piece of writing got me thinking about my opinions on sex. In particular, sex before marriage. I thought I knew where my truth rested, not anymore.

I have two beautiful daughters; I want the best for them. What parent doesn’t? From my experience, the method the church and my culture applied did not work for me, a young woman in Africa. Is this method going to work for my daughters in this modern technological society they live in?

Before now, I had a plan but not anymore. It’s back to the drawing board.

The Christian in me wants to “bible bash” to abstinence; the Yoruba in me wants to shame them into self-restraint.
How realistic is abstinence? Is it possible? Truthfully… I don’t know.

Is it going to work for my daughters? Also, I don’t know.

All I want is to equip my daughters with the right information should temptation come knocking. Unlike me, I want them ready.

The question is, how do I equip them?

This entry was posted in: Featured, Parenting


At 23, I left Nigeria where I was born and moved to England.In England, I got my Law degree and married John. I like things to be tidy and organised but as a working mum with young daughters, that is hard to achieve. But thanks to John, I have coped so far. If you'd to know more, it's all on my about page.


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